


See Me as I See Myself

by southerndrawlinmypants



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Age Regression/De-Aging, Children, Self Acceptance, Transporter Malfunction, but not really
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-25
Updated: 2014-06-05
Packaged: 2018-01-26 12:11:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1687877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/southerndrawlinmypants/pseuds/southerndrawlinmypants
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A transporter accident brings younger versions of themselves to DS9. Not quite knowing what to do about it Garak and Julian have to learn to take care of themselves until they can discover just why the boys appeared in the first place.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

His mother had always been one of those suspicious types. Especially when it came to new technology. Sure, replicators were great and she praised new medical developments he'd mention whenever they managed to have one of those rare, peaceful chats over the com link. Transporters? No thank you, his mother would say. A shuttle will do just fine. Until recently, he'd shook his head and covered a smile and hoped she'd get over her phobia one day, if only to make life easier for herself. Now, as he looked down at the two small boys slowly waking on the bio-beds, he'd gladly suffer through countless shuttle journeys with his mother and live in a cabin in the woods far far away from everything he'd taken for granted. He fiddled with the pad he had been holding and a nurse gently pried it out from between his fingers. Sweat smudged the screen and he quietly apologised to her as she gave it a quick wipe. His eyes settle on Garak, who was sitting alert in the corner. His own pad lay long forgotten on the chair beside him. Julian moved it out of the way and sat down.

“They should regain consciousness in five minutes or so.” He mumbled.

Garak's eyes did not leave the bio-beds. Julian didn't think the man had heard him and went to repeat himself when Garak held up a hand.

“I heard you, doctor.” He assured. “I'm just...processing.”

“Ah.”

“Hmm.”

“You're remarkably calm, doctor.”

Julian put his hands in his lap and huffed.

“Am I? Because I am decidedly not fine.”

For the first time since the accident, Garak smiled. It was remarkably calming. He found himself returning it, his breathing calming when his friend put a hand warily at his elbow and gave it a reassuring squeeze. If the nurses thought anything of it they paid them no mind, their attention focused on their most important new patients. Julian heard a sigh from beside him and was jerked out of his momentary calm.

“Explain it to me one more time. This whole situation is a bit too much for this poor tailor to handle.”

Julian straightened his back and cleared his throat, eyes trained on the wall in front of them.

“When we going through the wormhole there was a disturbance. The transporter locked onto us and tried to pull us out. When we materialised we weren't alone.”

Garak had joined him in inspecting the wall. He cleared his throat again.

“Scans of the human show that he is genetically similar to me, or is me, around five years old. I think it's safe to assume the cardassian child is you at a similar age judging from your reaction. We don't exactly have your DNA on file. Whether they have our memories and personality is something I can't tell you.”

They sat in silence. When the transporter accident had happened Julian's brain had rattled around in his skull and his eyes were still streaming from the smoke from the busted shuttle. He'd been bombarded with questions from Major Kira about the children that had came with them. Who were they? Are they from  the other side of the wormhole? Are there any more survivors? Julian wasn't sure if he'd heard her right and asked to be taken to med bay as quick as possible. As he'd stumbled down the steps he remembered Garak had accompanied him and turned, only to see the man with his back against the transporter walls, mouth wide open and staring at the ground. As he'd collapsed all he could make out were two small bodies huddled between them.

It didn't feel real. He pinched himself periodically and bile rose in the back of his throat whenever he thought to hard about it. Who knows what will happen when they wake up? Will they be here forever? Have they been zapped from their own little lives or did they just appear out of thin air? Would this disturb the space time continuum? His head spun just thinking about it.

There was a soft groan and instinctively he shot out of his seat and strode to the bed, Garak at his heels. Now in doctor mode, he watched as the boy – Julian- opened his eyes. He put a hand reassuringly on the bed. The boy's eyes darted around the room and he sat up frightened.

“Shh,” Julian put his hands up and motioned with them calmly. “It's okay. It's okay.”

He smiled.

“I'm not going to hurt you, I just want to make sure you're alright.”

The boy's shoulder's hunched inwards and he brought his knees up into a tight ball. He nuzzled his face into his knees and started to wail. Julian felt helpless as he saw himself cry, completely afraid in a place he didn't understand. He suddenly felt like he was looking in a mirror and he wished he could pull his knees up and do the same.

“Oh come now, enough of that.”

Both Julian's startled and looked to Garak, who both had forgotten about. Garak cautiously moved around the doctor so that he was in full view of the boy. He bent himself down a little bit. He held out a hand.

“Hello, I'm Mister Garak.”

Little Julian uncurled himself and put his hand in Garak's much larger one, giving it a short but enthusiastic tug. He then pulled his hand away and folded it back into himself, but with a slight giggle as he buried is face back in his knees. He peeked out when he realised Garak was still looking at him.

“I'm Jules.”

Julian let out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding and Garak gave a satisfied smirk, feeling somewhat more in control of the situation. He pulled up a stool so he could sit by the boy's bed. His eyes flickered quickly to his younger self who was still sleeping. There was time to think about him later. He looked to young Julian with his most pleasant simple tailor expression.

“It's wonderful to meet you Jules. Tell me – where are you from? Do you know where you are?”

He looked to be concentrating hard, his tongue poking out to wet his dry lips. His arms were still wrapped tightly around his knees.

“I-”

His eyebrows furrowed deeper.

Garak's Julian pulled at Garak's arm.

“I don't think we should put too much pressure on him he can only handle so much-”

“Oh!”

Their heads whipped down. Julian was now swinging his legs and looked anxious to answer Garak's question.

“I'm Jules. I live with my mum and dad and I don't know where I am.”

He looked around. His big eyes looked up into Julian's.

“I want Kukalaka.”

Julian composed himself and nodded.

“Yes, yes we can get you Kukalaka in a minute but we have a few questions first.”

“...okay.”

Julian brought over another stool and sat down. He tried as hard as he could to muster up a cheap copy of Garak's serene expression but got nowhere. It was awfully difficult to be calm when faced with yourself. You couldn't hide anything from them. He mentally thanked whatever god was looking over them if there was one that his genetically enhanced secret had fallen apart when it did, otherwise he'd be hard pressed to explain why this Julian was so...slow - and not acting his age. His wondered if he could have blamed it on the transporter accident and was overwhelmed with a sense of guilt and shame at the very thought. 

“What is the last thing you remember before waking up here?”

He considered it. He brought his thumb up to his mouth and sucked it. Julian suppressed the urge to pull it away.

“I...”

They leaned in closer.

“...I remember a lady. Who looked like mum – but wasn't mum!”

He pointed at Julian.

“And you!”

Julian blinked, then pointed to himself.

“Me?”

He shook his head up and down with such speed Garak worried that it would snap off and topple into his lap. 

“Yup, and other people who were people but not really people.”

Now Julian really did wonder if he'd bumped his head in the transporter.

“They said I was YOU.”

He chewed his thumb.

“They said I was to stay here for a while.”

Julian felt sick. This didn't make sense at all.

“You sound a little confused,” He sighed. “Would you like a glass of water? I'm sure one of my nurses would love to get you one.”

He looked around for one and noticed nurse Jabara had been lingering near them. He felt himself flush, annoyed at her intrusion.

“Do you have something to say nurse Jabara?”

A hint of annoyance flashed over her face and she scowled at him. She replicated a plastic cup of water and gave it to the boy, who thanked her loudly and gulped it down. Jabara rubbed his back comfortingly. She looked to the doctor.

“You know,” She whispered. “The prophets have done stranger things.”

He rolled his eyes and made to protest but Jabara's stern gaze made him keep his big mouth shut. She nodded her head in approval.

“Consider it, at least. Even if you don't believe that they're Gods you know that this kind of thing isn't impossible for them.”

She took the cup out of his hands and looked to her Julian.

“They'll have a reason for this. Just you wait and see.”

She waved goodbye to the small Julian who delighted in the attention, most likely due to her bright red hair. He'd had such a fascination with red. Given the opportunity he had no doubt that he'd have reached up to pull at the large ringlets that shaped her face. He watched Jabara leave and was content to stare into nothing as Garak seemed happy to answer all of the younger Julian's questions. Where are you from? Why are you covered in scales? Do you eat bugs like other lizards? 

How embarrassing.

As he groaned in his own misery he remembered the young Garak on the bio-bed behind them. He surely should have woken up by now. Pretending to look at the pad Jabara had left behind he listened for the faint sound of additional breathing. One, two, three. Yes. He could hear it. The breathing of someone quite awake. He slowly turned his head and caught young Garak's beady eye peeking out from behind his inner eyelid, a faint blue visible behind the milky glaze. Their eyes met and the boy flinched, fight or flight instincts kicking in. He turned to Garak for help in elevating the boy's distress but Garak was dumbstruck and silent. Julian racked his brain for comforting cardassian methods of handing children but came up dry. Best to be safe and go for calm and non threatening.

“Hello, I'm Doctor Bashir. Are you alright?”

Young Garak opened his eyes fully and sat up warily. There was a pressure on Julian's back as someone put their entire weight against him and he turned to see himself looking curiously over.

“Hi! I'm Jules!”

This was clearly too much for the small boy, because before he knew it he had scrabbled off the bed and was running full pelt for the nearest exit. He cursed and called for a nurse but it was too late and he was gone. He looked to Garak who had hardly moved.

“Garak! Help!”

Garak's tongue flickered out nervously but was otherwise unreadable.

“You better catch him soon. He's a very good hider and I imagine he's a little frightened.”

“Thank you, Garak.” He gritted through his teeth.

He hit his com badge and called for security. It couldn't be that difficult to find a small cardassian child.

“Stay here and look after Julian.”

“I'll do my best.”

He ran in the direction the boy had went and looked out to the promenade. There was a sea of people in the busy lunch hour milling around in all directions loud and unaware of his distress. He imagined the young Garak weaving seamlessly through their legs unnoticed, calm and collected. The image of him being trampled in the mass of unfamiliar faces confused and terrified was more vivid. A lump formed in his throat and he swallowed it to no avail as the promenade grew louder and louder.

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

A flash of grey at knee height caught his eye and he ran towards it, subtly trying to weave between the tight knit bodies of passers by who just would not move fast enough for Julian's liking. With a few minor trips, bruises and shoves he followed the flash to, of all places, Quarks.

He hoped he didn't get trampled on by some drunken trader. Or worse – break something and Quark will make him pay the latinum for it.

It seemed as if lunch time was almost over, as although the bar and dining area was crowded there was still enough room for Julian to make long strides to the bar without further injury. 

“Quark,” He huffed. “Did you see a Cardassian child come in here?”

Quark just gave him a puzzled look as he placed a tray of empty glasses in the replicator.

“Sorry doctor, can't help you.”

He leaned on the counter and gave a toothy smile.

“I was under the impression we only had one resident Cardassian...someone important visiting the station?”

This was not really something he wanted to discuss with Quark. Sensing his discomfort the ferengi gave Julian the utmost attention.

“Don't tell me that Garak had a little-”

Quark made a grotesque gesture. Julian grimaced in disgust.

“-fun on Bajor and now has himself a little brat to waste away his latinum on? Poor guy. I almost feel sorry for him.”

“Very. Funny. If you're not going to be helpful I'll just have a look by myself shall I?”

With a dismissive nod Julian set himself to the tedious task of searching under tables and in every nook and cranny he thought a small child could tuck himself away in. Several enquires with various dabo girls and lone drinkers got him nowhere. He was about to double check the upstairs when bright wispy fabric caught his eye.

“Julian!”

He half forced a smile as Jadzia and Kira gracefully bunched up their comically large skirts as they walked down the stairs. Jadzia was beaming, unlike Kira whose shoulders sunk as soon as they got to the bottom and leaned herself on a pillar for support. She let out a rough groan and closed her eyes.

“Exausting holosuite program ladies?”

Jadzia raised an eyebrow suggestively.

“I wish. Camelot again. A lovely summer festival.”

“It was crowded.”

Kira crowed from her pillar.

“So crowded. And hot. And noisy.”

She sunk lower onto the pillar. Jadzia seemed unamused.

“Well you can go straight back to your quarters, change, and have a relaxing shower. Unlucky for me I have to get back to work in an hour.”

Kira gave them both a half hearted goodbye and slumped away, her masculine gait contrasting with the billowy pink dress she was trapped in. Jadzia watched her until she was out of view and sighed.

“I'll get her to enjoy herself one day. I hope.”

Julian, not really paying attention, didn't hear her and was still shifting to look all around him hoping to catch the little man off guard. Jadzia flicked his arm.

“Got something on your mind?”

Julian sighed.

“The Cardassian boy ran off. I'm trying to look for him.”

“Oh. I'll help you then.”

They set about searching the entire area again. Julian had been keeping an eye on the exit the entire time and was sure the boy hadn't left. He filled her in that the two children were possibly and most definitely Garak and himself in some form or another and he didn't know quite what to do about that.  
She chuckled.

“I want to meet little Julian. I'm sure he's adorable.”

She tried to pinch his cheek but he swatted her away. This only led to repeated attempts until he finally let her win. His com badge went off several times during the search, most of them from Odo stating that he had dispatched a security team to other areas of the promenade. Julian thanked him and hoped they had better luck than them.  
After searching the upstairs tables one to many times he let out a growl of frustration and kicked a chair. Jadzia shook her head.

“It might not even have been him Julian.”

“I'm sure of it.” He gritted out.

He rubbed his eyes.

“Lets look downstairs one more time. It's Garak we're talking about. He could be right behind us and we'd never find him.”

They made their way down the spiral stairs, Julian throwing himself a little pity party and swinging his arms in dejection . When they were halfway down the stairs a sound that was out of place came to his attention. He counted the beat of his own steps and the beat of Jadzia's behind him. After their steps their was a quiet bump, as if something was stumbling behind him. Julian shook his head in disbelief when they got to the bottom and turned.

“You know Jadzia, that is a beautiful dress you're wearing - where did you get it?”

She gave him a confused look.

“Garak made it months ago. You were there I don't-”

Julian put a finger to his lips. He pointed down to her large skirt and slowly moved himself behind her. Confused but intrigued she didn't say a word as he bent his long legs to be eye level with the back of her knee. Julian cleared his throat. 

“Garak.”

He heard a muffled laugh above him and scowled, but soon felt his own mouth twitch at the absurdity of the situation. 

“Garak. Elim. Come out. It's very rude to hide under a woman's skirt like that.”

There was some slight rustling as Garak slowly crawled out from Jadzia's dress. He had his eyes glued to the floor and his hands clasped in front of him. Julian resisted the urge to squeeze him and carry him back to the infirmary his arms.

“Thank you for coming out of my skirt.”

Garak's eyes darted up, the blood rushing to his face. Her warm smile made him less skittish and Julian lowered his arms, confident that he wasn't going to run away again. He had nowhere to go.  
Jadzia looked awkwardly between them and put her hands behind her back.

“Well, I'll leave you two to become more acquainted.”

She looked down to Garak.

“Julian is a real sweetheart, honestly. Everything will be just fine. I need to go back to work now. It was nice meeting you.”

She gave them both a nod and left.

“I didn't look. I swear...” Garak mumbled.

Jadzia's heart swelled and she waved behind her.

“Its okay I believe you!”

With a small bit of tension they looked at each other. Garak was still wary, but Julian had been correct when he said there was no place for him to go. Now that he had his entire attention on him his genetic enhancements would sense any small twitch that hinted he was going to make a break for it. 

“So, how did you manage that? Pretty impressive. I was searching for almost an hour.”

Julian felt a sense of pride rise in the boy at the compliment. 

“I ran upstairs with a crowd of people and hid. When that lady came down I sneaked under her dress when she was walking down the stairs.”

He paused.

“There are no other Cardassians here.”

Julian shook his head sympathetically.

“Afraid not. Just the one with me when you woke up. Also a Mister Garak.”

Garak was silent. 

Not a very talkative young man is he? I wonder when he grew into such an insatiable chatterbox.

“Look. You're going to have to trust me and I know that must seem difficult. Nobody wants to hurt you we just want to know what's going on. Same for you I'll bet?”

The boy seemed to consider this.

“I'd like you to come with me back to the room we were in so we can all find the answer to a few questions. Agreed?”

Julian looked into Garak's worrisome expression. He could feel the frightened uncertainty bubbling inside him and had to look away, feeling as if he was intruding on his Garak's privacy. But eventually the boy straightened his neck out and walked to stand at his side, ready to follow. 

 

Julian pressed his com badge to let Odo know that he could stop looking and cautiously walked with young Garak back to med bay.

As they walked along, Julian took in the boy's ragged clothing. Not that he was the image of poverty, but there were definite signs of wear and tear around the knees and seat of his trousers and clumps of dirt clung to his shoes. His hair was unkempt and curling at the bottom, small tufts bobbing as they walked. The image of his Garak with his hair in such disarray popped into his mind and he couldn't contain his grin, a tingling warmth colouring his cheeks.

Garak must have caught him staring because once he looked away he returned his unblinking stare with equal strength. A shiver went down his spine. He licked his lips nervously.

“So, what are you?”

Julian relaxed himself at this natural curiosity. 

“I'm a human. From Earth.”

The boy nodded, storing away this new piece of information.

“Hmm, okay...and why are you so hairy?”

“Well I need hair to keep warm. I'm a mammal.”

“Is that why you're so smelly?”

Julian stuttered, face going beetroot.

“Excuse me?!”

Garak blinked up at him innocently, a hint of mischief hiding in those big blue eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I blame Onetobeamup for the description of young Garak. 
> 
> Also AO3 you frustrate me with your layout problems.


End file.
